So you and your boo are taking the next big step- moving in. Congratulations on your cheaper rent, closer proximity to your sex buddy, and future live-in BFF! All that fun stuff aside, there's a lot of not-necessarily-fun conversations that need to be had before you sign that lease in order to set you two up for smooth co-habitation. These six important conversations will help you keep it real as a couple by voicing your individual needs and expectations, and help you stave off potential conflict in the future!
1. Money, money, money.
Since money is the root of much evil and many fights, it’s super important to figure out how you’ll be handling expenses together. Will everything be split 50/50, down to every last drop of dish soap? If so, what system will work best for the both of you when it comes to tracking the stuff you buy for your place? Do you make a substantial amount more than your boo, and want to help them out by paying a little more of the rent? Who will handle which bills? You don’t want to set yourselves up for any possible resentment, unnecessary arguments, or unpleasant surprises when it comes to this stuff, so even if you’re both the chillest people on the planet, it’s a good idea to discuss how you’ll be handling your new shared expenses.
2. What does ‘clean’ mean to you and to them?
Are you okay with letting a little dust settle and letting the pile of stuff you’ve been meaning to donate to Goodwill for forever sit in the corner, while your partner goes nuts if every surface isn’t Lysol-ed before bedtime? You two have probably been together for awhile and you most likely have a good idea of their habits already, but still-talk this over. It’s important to define your individual needs for this stuff, and setting expectations early on will help you avoid conflict in the long run. Speaking of cleanliness, let’s talk about...
3. Chores, baby.
These duties should never all fall on one person, assuming that you both have similarly busy schedules (unless you’re a beautiful freak who loves doing chores, in which case...wanna move in with me?). This holds especially true for couples who are on the opposite end of the cleanliness spectrum. If one of you is a Type-A bae who can’t stand even one sock out of place and the other is way farther down in the alphabet of caring about what goes where, it’s important to have a (gentle, non-judgemental) conversation about a chores system that will keep the neat-freak half of you happy and the chilled-out slob half of you accountable for their mess while not feeling attacked for it. Come up with a routine that works well for both of you. Maybe it’s setting aside a couple hours each weekend to blast music and clean the house together, switching off each week who has to take on the less-desirable chores (*cough* cleaning out the fridge *gags*), or maybe a more organized chore chart system works for better for the two of you. If you’re into that idea, good ol' Pinterest has tons of examples!
4. The big ‘why?’
Why are you guys moving in together, and what do you hope to gain from it? Is it to save money? Is it one step in what you hope is a future marriage? A combo of both? Whatever the case may be, make sure you’re both in sync about the answer to this.
5. Being apart.
Living with your best friend who’s also your sex partner is comfortable and amazing, but no matter how tight you are with your partner, it’s important to have some time away from them. It’s easy to get stuck in a rut of staying in and eating, watching, or talking about the same things over and over once you move in together, and that gets old reeeeally fast. Make sure you discuss how both of you can carve out time to continue nurturing the relationships and hobbies that you each have outside of each other. This is not only healthy for the both of you individually, but it will also help you keep that fun, sexy spark alive as a couple that made you fall for each other in the first place!
6. Being together.
Now that it’s super easy to simply go straight home from work, flop on the couch together, and call it a date, it’s also easy to begin feeling like something closer to roommates who are really good friends than like romantic partners. Making sure that you schedule actual, on-purpose dates outside of your place is more important now, and goes right along with keeping things fun and cute in a sea of shared bills, chores, and expense charts. Have a discussion with your soon-to-be live-in cutie about how you can be intentional about spending quality time together away from your home, and how you can make a concerted effort to keep doing the fun activities that brought you together!